Awareness can feel like it comes at a cost, yet has a gift of ultimately freeing us from locked up pain. Once we see a way to move forward we have a choice to take a step towards healing or let the emotion resettle in the body. The key is to know how to do this. Keys are very powerful for unlocking energy and they can be a few words encoded with loving compassion. There’s no judgment and often this step is not taken until we come to a catalyst. All is good and this is to reach out to dear people who are suffering from the associated suffering of shame and the information is sent with pure love and non-judgment and becomes encoded and ready for when we ourselves are ready to take the step, in our own time.
Many who’ve suffered abuse have felt shamed by the person abusing and this is because the one abusing was most likely also suffering from shame in a perpetuating cycle of pain coming up to be released and unable to love and heal it, because shame is so incredibly painful we try to hide it from ourselves. During a direct emotional attack from an angry/frustrated person, the strong emotion is only relieved of the built up pressure and at the expense of themselves and/or someone who has directly received the brunt of their energy. This can also happen psychically and/or covertly (e.g. passive aggressive behaviour, silent treatment and gaslighting). Psychically we are very sensitive by nature and we feel the energy others generate from anywhere in the world, as we think of them we tune into their feelings.
When we grow up in a home with someone who holds anger and shame in their body, we absorb lot a toxic energy and behaviour this produces and which we learn from, as parents / caregivers / significant people are our models of how to be in the world. The toxic energy doesn’t feel good for our cells who are hard wired to move away from toxins and as children we’re trapped with it day and night for many years. Even though it may have felt deeply uncomfortable, cold, unfriendly, prickly, hostile etc, this became our knowledge of normality in the world. We may find that when we experienced warmth of any kind, although it felt so so good, we found it hard to relate to and in some way sabotaged it, and perhaps without really understanding why we did, and likely this was also stored in our shame bank for future recycling and added to the reasons why we feel we are never good enough. This way of thinking has been encoded within us then affects every thought, action and nuance of our lives from there on until we heal and replace it with other encoding of healing gentle thought/behaviours towards ourselves and which naturally extend to others who are in essence a reflection of how we see ourselves. As we give more and more unconditional loving kindness and gentleness to our body and especially be understanding of when we berate and put ourselves down and want to hide away for protection, it changes our very DNA and rewires our brain. This could simply be saying to ourselves, “Of course I did that,” or, “of course I said or thought that…”
Many of us went on to choose partners and friends who held the same kind of energy we grew up with because it felt familiar and also so we could heal ourselves by making things right with someone else as a proxy to our caregiver, only to learn that this rarely works in the ways we hope it will, because we often hope to change the other person and our healing needs us to unconditionally love and accept the whole of ourselves, and in time and not before we are ready, see the experiences have given us invaluable learning to grow from.
Releasing patterns of shame
We often find that when we’ve been shamed as children many many things over our lives cause us shame and this can have a cumulative effect as time goes on and new things and associations are added to the closet, with many things stacked on top of each other periodically coming back to what feels like an attack but is really a loving body asking us to heal so that we can stay optimally healthy. Our souls wants to show us that as we’ve never learned how to love, forgive and accept ourselves and release the energy charge these phenomena hold over us and it’s time to let our soul guide us in how to love ourselves and see ourselves as beings of love. The trauma we carry is capable of becoming PTSD with flashbacks and feelings taking us directly back into reliving the circumstances where we first felt shame and the feeling is directly related to fear of death by shame. The feelings are so very strong becuse they’re directly linked to our very survival. Of course we know that by themselves they will not kill us on the spot, but the stress of these thoughts produces hormones that weaken our body over time and some with PTSD reflect on their lived experience as feeling dead while they are alive, or not deserving to be alive. People who suffer from chronic anxiety / PTSD have the wiring in their brain set up to accommodate their state of constant fear and hypervigellance and are always looking out for danger in flight and fight added to the heaviness of unresolved emotion. In this state of being there is little space for other more pleasurable feelings that can be experienced in human form.
The message is for us to begin to believe in ourselves as a starting point, that we can learn to heal because research now shows us what we intuitively know, that our bodies are so very resilient and can rebuild and rewire beautifully when we support them with doing what we can to calm our thoughts.
Creating an essential safe space to heal
Trauma is so prevalent in our world and we might wonder where to begin our healing journey. The advice I give is to minimise / greatly reduce/ and (better still) stop watching TV, movies with violence and trauma. Listen to music that’s uplifting and peaceful. If you’ve never learned Reiki it’s a perfect tool. If you’ve learned Reiki and need a refresher, you may like to search for a list of self-treatment hand positions and some lovely music on youtube. If you would like to learn how to give Reiki to yourself and/or others, udemy.com offer heavily discounted courses. Also one of the most important but perhaps the hardest thing that I believe helps us the most, is creating space to heal and this may mean some distance from people who cause you trauma. For your health it’s worth doing what you can to protect your body and mind while you heal and perhaps in time you will be healed enough to reconnect without undoing too much of your good work. This is like the essential no contact after leaving an abusive person and completely cutting all communication that you know is only going to hurt you anyway and keep you stuck in confusion. Give yourself time out to heal and a place to begin the journey that takes as long as it needs to. Be patient with the process, as layers need to be shed naturally so as not to cause further harm. This is not an overnight or month long process, it can take years to unravel and heal what’s been happened to us since very early in our lives and forms the core of our human being.
We are very capable of healing – remember this – and your soul is your constant anchor and strength. We are also here for each other on the journey, understanding so very well because we also walk this path. I have faith that we will come through this together.
Much love and many blessings beautiful souls. Xx